I hate how some restaurant guests can be so fucking pretentious. I realize that you probably know something about food and wine and how a restaurant works, but I don’t walk into a hardware store and start telling the guy behind the counter that the screwdrivers are actually hammers. And don’t ask me a question if you are going to tell me the answer is wrong. You are only going to piss us both off.
This jerk tonight reminded me of a guy that was at one of my tables when I was a server at a Seafood Restaurant in a hotel I worked at years ago. This asshole sat down at one of my tables with a gorgeous lady (she was probably hired help). I let them get situated and settled before I went over to the table to great them. When I got there I politely gave them the typical greeting “Welcome to the restaurant, My name is Leon, and I will be your server this evening.”
The couple seemed nice enough; at first they were polite and jovial. I eagerly walk them through the wine list, answer all the lady’s questions, and after that she, of course, orders a White Zinfandel. The man with her looks up at me and says, “I’ll have the same.”
Rule number one, NEVER TRUST OR RESPECT A MAN THAT ORDERS WHITE ZIN!!!!!!!!!
I politely say, “Certainly sir, I’ll be right back with the wine for the two of you.” Before I leave the table I explain the specials to them so they will have something to think about while I wait in the service well for the bartender to pour the wine. As I waited for the bartender, I thought about what regular menu items to suggest, as well as what needed to be done at my other tables. When I got back with the wine, they were not quite ready to order their food yet, so I suggest the Swordfish for the man, and the Halibut for the lady, and then went to check on my other tables.
When I returned to the table the man, who looked very pleased with himself, looked up at me and asked “Hey, do you know why White Zinfandel is pink?”
I love educating people. When I leave the restaurant industry I will probably become a teacher. So when the man asked me this, I was happy to answer. I politely say to the man, “Yes sir, I do. It is due to the wine making process. It is because the Zinfandel grape is actually a red grape, the grape is mashed with skins on, and then the skins are removed before fermentation. Since the skins are on when the grapes are mashed a small amount of tannins gets into the juice and it gives the wine that blush color.”
The man, with a HUGE smile on his face says to me, “That’s very logical, but you’re wrong.”
This catches me completely off guard. I stammer for about half a second trying to process this arrogant fuck’s statement. Finally I very politely say, “Please pardon me sir, I don’t mean to misinform you, I am force fed wine knowledge every day. I might be getting my facts crossed. Can you please explain to me why it is pink so that I don’t misinform anyone else?”
The man is more than happy to oblige. He commences to feed me the biggest line of horseshit I have been fed about the product I study, learn, and know by heart. I learn this stuff because it pays my bills. You don’t go to a mechanic and tell him how to replace a water pump. If he is worth half of his employment, he already knows!
As the man tells me his version I can tell the only reason this interaction is even taking place is so that he can look good in front of this high dollar Hotel Hooker he is sitting next to. He tells me that the reason it is pink is because they take any average white wine, “whether it be a chardonnay or a pinot grigio” and they put a little bit of red wine in it, “whether it be a merlot or a cabernet”, and that makes it a pink color. He even goes on to say that they call it white zinfandel because “Sutter Home Winery thought it would be a catchy name and then the rest of the world started copying them.”
What an asshole.
So I again apologize for giving misinformation, take the food order, ring it in, and then go straight to my GM and ask her to print me off some info on why White Zinfandel is pink. About 10 minutes later she comes back with a paper printed from Beringer.com explaining the process, and sure enough it is exactly what I had told the guy. So I folded the paper up and slipped it into one of my apron pockets, and continue doing my job.
About 20 minutes later the entrees are ready, so I deliver them to the table, make sure they are happy with what I brought them, and walk away to give them a chance to taste everything. After a few short minutes I walk back to the table and ask if everything tastes as good as it smells, and of course they have nothing but great things to say. And now for my revenge.
After the man tells me his entrée is excellent, I discretely slide the paper that was printed from Beringer.com under the lip of his plate and quietly say to the man, “Sir, you might want to read this.” And I calmly walk away from the table.
About 6 or 7 minutes later I go back to the table to check on my guests, and the man has his face down to his plate eating quietly and no longer seeming so high and mighty. After I ask if the couple is still enjoying their meal, the lady at the table says to me, “Sir, you are supposed to do that kind of stuff AFTER we tip you.”
I look the lady directly in the eyes and with infinite pride responded, “That sounds very logical Ma’am, but you’re wrong.”
I guess the moral of the story here is: Do your research before you show your ass. There just might be some one out there that actually knows what they are talking about. And don’t try to make others feel stupid just so you can feel smart.
Love,
Freakout
P.S. I still got a 20% tip from him. (it was probably because the lady MADE him tip me)
